


I tried to go on like I never knew you

by storiesthatmakeus



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: Anger, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Lies, Love, M/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-09
Updated: 2017-09-09
Packaged: 2018-12-25 19:35:14
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,344
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12042780
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storiesthatmakeus/pseuds/storiesthatmakeus
Summary: Aaron has a new boyfriend and Robert tries to deal with it, but neither of them have ever been any good at pretending.





	I tried to go on like I never knew you

**Author's Note:**

> So nobody knows what's going to happen with this Alex person, but this popped into my head, so I wrote it quickly. In this, they end up dating for longer than I think they will in the show.
> 
> Also, not sure what the outcome of the Liv/spiked brandy situation is, so in this story, she drank regular brandy, but too much and it had nothing to do with Rob and a few weeks have passed since it happened...
> 
> Hope someone likes it.....

It was Thursday night when he saw them. Emerging from the pub, the glare of a taxi’s headlights caught his attention as it pulled up outside Mill Cottage and Aaron clambered out, slightly drunk Robert noted, even from his vantage point. He smiled softly, knowing how dopey and affectionate Aaron was once he had a couple. His smile faltered when he saw he wasn’t alone. Another man appeared behind him, someone Robert instantly recognised. The doctor. _Liv’s doctor_. He was beaming, and as the taxi pulled off, Robert could see the two of them even more clearly. What’s his name pulled Aaron closer to him, and Aaron placed his head on the other man’s chest, giggling slightly before smiling up at him.

Robert’s vision blurred, sharp needles prickling his skin. He watched Aaron smile at this other man, standing where Robert should be standing. He watched Aaron place his hands on this guy’s chest and Robert could feel the pressure on his own. He knew what was coming next, could almost see Aaron’s eyes softening before him, and though he wasn’t a religious man, he prayed with everything he had in that split second for it not to happen, but prayers had never worked before and they weren’t about to start now.

Aaron leant forward, and Robert could feel his ghosting breath. He closed his eyes, not wanting to see his husband kiss another man, and he could feel Aaron’s lips on his own, the love in their touch, the promises unspoken.

He opened his eyes and Aaron was still kissing him, lingering pecks marking this man, this stranger, as though he was Aaron’s. He wasn’t. Only Robert belonged to Aaron, and he could feel the heat bubbling in his veins, rushing through his ears until there was nothing but white noise.

He wanted to fight, to pull Aaron away and claim him as his own. But he couldn’t move. Even when they stopped kissing and Aaron pulled back. Even when they had gone inside, disappearing completely from view. Even when he saw the front porch light switch off. Only when the drops of rain splashed in his eyes did he move, but as he reached Keepers, he didn’t know what was rain and what were tears.

 

 

Robert was simmering the next morning, his carefully concealed feelings fraying with every second that passed, Jimmy’s typically oblivious ramblings picking at the threads as he sat across from him in the portacabin.

'‘I love her, but if my Nico mentions kale juice detoxes and courgetti one more time…’’

‘’Jimmy, I’m not being funny, but if you don’t stop this pity party I’ll strangle you with that courgetti myself.’ Robert snapped.

‘’What’s got into you?’’

‘’I don’t need to hear about your pathetic domestics when I’m trying to work.’’

‘’That’s funny, I haven’t seen you pick up a pen once this morning.’’

‘’Oh well, thanks for keeping tabs.’’ Robert replied dryly. ‘’I’m going out.’’

Robert slammed the door behind him as he left the portacabin, running straight into Aaron as he did so.

‘’Hey…you alright?’’ Robert stiffened at the concerned look in his ex-husband’s eyes. He couldn’t find the words, so he did the only thing he could: he ignored Aaron. Walking straight past him, he got into his car and sped off.

Aaron was left dumbfounded in the middle of the yard. Robert had never once ignored him like that. Even during their worst times, Robert would still say something cutting to him, something Aaron found himself wishing for at that moment, rather than the cold look he got from him before he took off.

 

 

‘’Vic, is everything alright with Robert?’’ Aaron had ventured into the pub kitchen a shot time later, the look of Robert’s face still etched in his mind, and he needed to know it wasn’t just him.

‘’Why do you ask?’’ Victoria asked apprehensively.

‘’Well I saw him this morning and he blanked me, and Jimmy said he was in a right mood before then.’’

‘’Oh Aaron, you are not really that oblivious are ya?’’

‘’What are you on about?’’

‘’He knows…. About Alex.’’ Victoria clarified once she saw Aaron’s confused expression. ‘’He saw you two last night.’’

‘’Oh…’’

‘’Yea.’’

‘’I’ll talk to him.’’

‘’And say what, Aaron?’’

‘’I don’t know yet.’’ Aaron replied as he walked out of the pub.

 

 

Robert had been driving for hours, trying to assemble the jigsaw of thoughts swirling around his brain. The image of Aaron kissing another man was tattooed across his mind, and he wanted to reach inside and laser it off, anything to release the pain of seeing his husband move on. After driving in circles, he pulled into a lay-by to give himself some breathing time, but his lungs collapsed when he realised where he was: their lay-by, the one where Robert’s heart finally came to life three years ago. He felt his throat close up, and as the memories came flooding back, his breathing quickened and the tears began to fall again.

He drove slowly back to the village a little while later, teardrops still drying on his shirt, when he saw him. Aaron was coming out of the café, and when he saw Robert’s car, he hovered uncertainly waiting for him to pull up. Robert was tempted to just keep driving, but he knew he would have to rip the stitches off eventually and let the wound run open. No time like the present.

‘’Hi.’’ He said it softly, kindness still present in his tone, even though his eyes gave away nothing.

‘’Hi.’’ Robert replied, trying to keep the hardness from his voice.

‘’So Vic told me….that you know about Alex.’’

‘’Yea, new boyfriend, good for you.’’

‘’He’s not my boyfriend Robert.’’ Aaron was shuffling on his feet as he said it.

‘’Whatever he is, you don’t have to explain yourself to me.’’

‘’I know that,’’ Aaron replied defensively. ‘’But I still wanted to tell you myself.’’

‘’You told me to stay out of your life, and I’m doing that. You don’t owe me anything.’’

Whatever Aaron was about to say next was interrupted by the car pulling up next to the café. Robert felt the spike of jealousy as Alex emerged from the driver’s seat, smiling at Aaron as he made his way over.

‘’Hi.’’ He said cautiously as he joined them, clearly aware of the hostile looks Robert was giving him.

‘’Hi yourself.’’ Aaron replied, and in that instant, Robert’s heart shattered. He had spent all this time driving around, pretending that it wasn’t real; that Aaron hadn’t moved on, but he saw the way Aaron looked at this other man, and he knew it was over. Aaron’s eyes lit up at the sight of him, eyes that moments before held only coldness towards Robert. His whole stance softened, and his smile was genuine. Aaron was no longer his, not even a little, and Robert could feel his throat closing again.

‘’Robert, it’s nice to see you…’’ Alex started, but Robert cut him off.

‘’I have to go, I’ll see you around.’’ He walked off slowly, wishing his legs could carry him faster, leaving a confused Alex in his wake and missing the flash of regret that crossed Aaron’s features behind him.

He barely made it through the door of Keepers before his legs buckled underneath him. He had no tears left to cry, but his body rocked back and forth quietly in the dark hallway.

He finally made it to his room, where he lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He heard Victoria come in and call for him, but he ignored her. His phone rang, Rebecca’s name appearing on screen, but he dropped it by his bed and blocked out the sound of the vibrations. He stared at his ring, remembering how proud he had been that day in the hospital putting it on, and then again in the garage. He took a shallow breath, pulled it slowly off his finger and as he dropped it in his bedside drawer, he let the numbness wash over him.

 

 

The next morning, Robert was coming out of the café when he bumped into Aaron and Alex on their way in. All three of them froze at the sight of each other, and the silence stretched on unendingly. Eventually, Robert broke the standoff.

‘’Hi.’’ It wasn’t much of anything, but it released the tension.

‘’Hi.’’ Aaron replied, Alex nodding beside him.

‘’Can I have a word?’’ The _in private_ was unspoken, but Alex got the hint. He headed inside, leaving Robert and Aaron to fidget awkwardly together.

Aaron opened his mouth to speak, but Robert waved his hand, cutting him off.

‘’I’m sorry Aaron.’’

‘’For what?’’

‘’For being distant yesterday, for running off, for everything.’’

‘’I did want you to hear it from me Robert.’’

‘’I know. And if you’re happy, then that’s all that matters. I’ll leave you alone now, I promise.’’ With that, Robert was gone, and Aaron let out a breath.

 _Are you happy Robert?_ The question died on his tongue unspoken as he watched his ex-husband walk away.

 

 

Aaron was sat in the corner booth with Alex when he saw Robert come in. He looked tired, sad even, and Aaron felt a pang of guilt flash through him. The urge to go over to Robert and make sure he was okay was threatening to overwhelm him, but he was torn from his thoughts by Alex’s hand on his knee.

‘’Hey, you still with me?’’

‘’Sorry, yea just wondering what’s taking Liv so long.’’

‘’She’s a teenage girl, probably making sure she looks perfect before she dares to leave the house.’’ Alex chuckled in response.

Aaron laughed along, but a bolt of irritation struck him. Liv wasn’t that type of teenage girl, and Robert would never have made a comment like that. Robert knew her better. The thought of his ex-husband had him looking back up, and he saw him hovering by the bar, his eyes glued to his phone, almost resolutely not looking in Aaron’s direction.

‘’Ah, there she is.’’ Alex stated, breaking Aaron out of his daydream. Liv came through the double doors and made a beeline for Robert, and Aaron felt Alex shift uncomfortably next to him. He watched his sister and ex talk briefly, before their eyes wandered towards Aaron and Alex. Robert held his gaze for a fraction of a second, then looked away, chuckling softly at whatever Liv whispered to him. He saw her reluctantly break away from his company and come towards him, her barely concealed grimace evident the closer she came.

‘’So,’’ Alex began. ‘’We were thinking of spending the day in town. Pizza, a film, hit the shops, what do ya reckon?’’

‘’No thanks, I wanna stay here.’’

‘’C’mon Liv, it’ll be fun.’’ Alex was trying and Aaron appreciated it, but he knew what was coming, knew how this would end.

Robert glanced up occasionally at the trio in the corner, trying to be discreet about his staring. He could feel Chas watching him from the corner of his eye, but the tension at the table was palpable even from yards away. It looked like Alex was begging and Liv was having none of it. A brief thrill went through him at her loyalty, but then he remembered that she had been the same with him at the start. Maybe it was her default setting with Aaron’s love interests.

He decided to focus on his phone, but Aaron calling his sister’s name brought his attention back to the table, and he saw Liv desert them and head to the back room. He felt a flash of anger as he saw Alex pull Aaron back when he tried to go after her, and then a flash of jealousy as Alex whispered in Aaron’s ear and the two of them left.

He felt rather than saw Liv appear behind him, and as he watched her walk out of the pub with her backpack, he knew exactly what she had done. Giving it five minutes so as to not alert Chas, he quietly left the pub and followed his little sister to the cricket pavilion.

 

 

‘’So, here we are again.’’ Robert said as he plonked himself down next to her.

‘’Want some?’’ she asked, handing him over the bottle of vodka.

‘’I don’t think day drinking with my little sister, who shouldn't be drinking in the first place, is gonna solve anything, do you?’’

‘’I’m still your little sister?’’

The look on Liv’s face made Robert’s heart flicker with guilt, and the questioning look in her eyes was so like her brother’s it caused the hairs to stand on his neck.

‘’Of course you are.’’ How could she not know that? ‘’I love ya Liv, you’re not getting rid of me that easily. God knows Vic’s tried and failed, so you won’t have much luck.’’ He finished lightly.

''Rob....?''

''No, don't say it.''

‘’It’s all my fault, isn’t it?’’

‘’Why would you even think that?’’

‘’If I hadn’t have told you about Aaron taking the drugs, then you wouldn’t have fought and ended up in bed with Rebecca.’’

Her bottom lip began to tremble as she said it, and Robert’s heart broke. He edged closer to her and wrapped his arms around her.

‘’Liv, don’t think that. If you hadn’t have told me, Aaron would have kept doing drugs and who knows where he’d be now. You did the right thing, I promise you.’’

‘’I don’t want to lose you Rob.’’

‘’I told ya, I’m not going anywhere. C’mon, let’s get you home.’’ Robert climbed to his feet and extended his hand. As Liv grasped it, the feeling of something on his finger stopped her in her tracks. Or rather, the lack of feeling on his finger.

‘’You took your ring off?’’

Robert glanced down at his bare finger, the tan lines still evident.

‘’Aaron’s moving on Liv, it’s over and I need to accept it. He asked me to stay out of his life, and I owe it to him to do it.’’ Liv could hear the crack in his voice, and without warning, she was wrapping herself around him, hugging him for all she was worth, trying to stop the tears from falling.

 

 

After staying in the cricket pavilion a little while longer to let Liv dry her tears, and taking a detour for an emergency hot chocolate at the café, they made it back to the Mill where the light was on. Aaron was obviously home.

‘’Do you wanna come in?’’ Liv asked softly.

‘’I don’t think that’s a good idea do you?’’

‘’It’s my house, I can invite over who I want.’’’

‘’Thank you Liv, but really, I should go home.’’

‘’Are you ever gonna come in here?’’

‘’Probably not, but you’re always welcome at Keepers, and someday soon I’ll get my own place, maybe even with a room for you.’’ Robert smiled softly at her.

‘’Rob….’’

‘’I know, me too kid.’’

Robert gave her a brief hug, and left her standing on the Mill porch, tears prickling her eyes as she watched her big brother walk away.

 

 

‘’Penalty.’’

‘’No way mate, wasn’t anywhere near the box.’’

‘’I beg to differ.’’

Aaron’s next retort died on his lips as Liv came storming through the door.

‘’Liv, where have you been?’’

She ignored his calls, storming up the stairs to her room.

''Go and talk to her.'' Alex suggested. Aaron bristled at the suggestion. Robert would have told him to leave her, but yet again, Alex didn't know her, and he clearly picked up on the flash of anger the crossed Aaron's features. He tried to cover it, glanced apologetically at Alex before following her up. Knocking gently on her door, he peered in. Her back was to him, and her headphones were on full blast. Aaron could hear the music from twenty feet away.

‘’Liv?’’

Nothing.

‘’Liv, please talk to me.’’ He edged gently towards her, but he could feel the tension radiating off her, and he knew better than to risk her wrath when she was like this. She would come downstairs in an hour’s time when she had stewed enough over whatever it was.

 

 

Only, she didn’t. Three days passed, and despite Aaron’s best attempts, he couldn’t get a word out of her. Eventually, after half a dozen non-conversation starters over dinner, Aaron’s patience broke.

‘’Liv, that’s enough. Whatever it is, just spit it out.’’

‘’He took his ring off, do you know that?’’ Liv snapped back at him.

It took Aaron a second to compute her sentence before he realised. Robert.

‘’And you’ve been giving me the silent treatment over that for three days because?’’

‘’He’s given up on us Aaron. He made us a family, and now we’ve lost him.’’

‘’We have each other Liv, we’re still a family.’’

‘’I wouldn’t even be standing in this room if it wasn’t for him tracking mum down.’’

‘’I know that, but what do you want me to say? He took his ring off, it’s not that surprising considering we’ve been over for months now.’’

‘’So what, you don’t care at all?’’

‘’What Robert does is nothing to do with me anymore.’’

‘’And whose fault is that?’’ Liv sniped as she walked off, leaving Aaron speechless, the simmering hurt in her tone grounding him to the spot.

 

 

‘’I’d hate to think what the car did to deserve this.’’

The feelings of guilt after his conversation with Liv that morning had spread to every bone in his body, so Aaron was taking out his frustrations on a car bonnet with Robert turned up.

‘’Leave me alone Robert.’’

‘’Aaron, what’s the matter?’’

‘’You need to stay away from Liv.’’ Aaron exploded as he threw the crowbar he was holding down and turned to face Robert, the rage filling the gulf between them.

‘’What?’’

‘’You heard me. Stay away from my little sister Robert.’’

‘’She’s my sister too Aaron.’’ Aaron scoffed at the comment, which spurred Robert on. ‘’Whatever is going on with you two, it’s nothing to do with me.’’

‘’It’s everything to do with you, because when isn’t it? You’re making her choose between us and I’m losing her.’’

‘’If you really think I’d make her choose, then you never knew me at all Aaron.’’ Robert retorted.

‘’That’s always been our problem Robert, I don’t know you.’’

‘’We both know you’re the only person who’s ever known me Aaron.’’ Robert replied suddenly and the regretful tone in his voice stopped Aaron in his tracks. ‘’Look, if I’m hurting Liv by being around her, then I’ll walk away, but only if she asks me to. I’ve lost you already, I don’t want to lose her too.’’

‘’She blames me for us splitting up.’’

‘’She blames herself Aaron, thinks it’s because she told me about the drugs, and she’s taking it out on you. If you feel you’re losing her, it’s because you haven’t told her otherwise.’’

‘’What are you on about?’’

‘’Maybe you should ask her yourself.’’

 

 

Aaron stewed the whole way home, wondering what Robert could have meant. How could Liv possibly blame herself? She didn’t force Robert into bed with that woman. He braced himself before walking through the door, where the sight of Liv with a horde of cardboard boxes took him completely by surprise.

‘’Liv, what are you doing?’’

‘’Getting rid of all of this stuff.’’ She replied as she packed up the contents of the kitchen.

‘’Why?’’

‘’Because it doesn’t belong to us.’’

‘’Oh yea? And who does it belong to?’’

‘’Robert.’’ She said coolly. ‘’He told me he’s getting a new place soon. He’ll need stuff to put in it, and he did buy all this crap, so only fair he gets it.’’

‘’Liv, stop it.’’

‘’We’ll have to hire a removal van for the sofa and chairs, unless a Home James van is free.’’ She continued, ignoring her brother. ‘’I wonder if he’ll want my monkey sculpture?’’

‘’Liv, that’s enough.’’

‘’Why? You told Rob to stay out of your life, I’m trying to help by getting rid of all his tat.’’ Her voice wavered as she spoke, and Aaron’s heart began to crumble.

‘’Wait, Robert’s leaving?’’ Aaron’s throat pricked as he said it, the realisation of what Liv said finally hitting him.

‘’Not yet, but he soon will be. He’ll have to leave the village too, there’s nowhere for him to live here. Least I can do is give him all his stuff back. He bought it for his home, it should go in his _home_.’’ Aaron didn’t miss the emphasis his little sister put on the last word.

‘’Well if he wants all his stuff back, he can come and ask for it.’’ Aaron retaliated, trying to keep his composure.

‘’He won’t because you asked him to stay out of his life and he’s trying to do the right thing. Walked me home last night and wouldn’t come in when I asked him.’’ Liv finished quietly, the hurt all over her face.

‘’Was that when you told him you blame yourself for what happened?’’ Aaron asked softly, catching her off guard.

‘’He told you?’’

‘’Yea, he did. Liv, none of this is to do with you, okay? You did absolutely nothing wrong. Robert and I, we just weren’t meant to work out. Sometimes that happens.’’

‘’But he loves you Aaron, he misses you. Please, why can’t you work this out? I want our family back. Please Aaron.’’ Her façade finally cracked, and the tears began to fall, shattering Aaron’s heart in two. He grabbed her and pulled her into him, guiding them both to the sofa.

‘’I tried, but I couldn’t do it, I’m sorry.’’

‘’What about all the times Robert’s tried?’’ She asked through her sobs. ‘’He could have walked away when you went to prison but he stayed and he looked after me. He could have left when I tried to get him sent down, but he tried even harder with me then. Don’t let him walk away Aaron. We’ve both made mistakes but he stuck by us, can’t you try again?’’

‘’No Liv, we can’t. I love Robert, but it’s too much. I wish things were different, I really do.’’ Aaron’s tears began to fall now too. ‘’He can come over here if he wants to, okay. He loves you and I won’t take that away from you, but I can’t be with him. You’ve still got both of us, just not together, not anymore.’’

He felt her nod against him, her tears soaking through her shirt. He rocked her back and forth, trying to figure out what tears were for his little sister, and what tears were for his lost relationship.

 

 

As promised, Aaron did not keep Liv and Robert apart, and a few days later, they met up the pub so Liv could whine about her new maths teacher and Robert could subtly ask her if she needed help, which she would initially scoff at before casually producing her maths book and a list of questions as long as her arm.

He chuckled at her questions, calmed her when she got frustrated, and smiled brightly when the lightbulb above her head went off.

‘’It’s really that easy?’’ She asked, annoyed with herself.

‘’Once you figure out the concepts it is, but it takes ages to put the pieces together, for everyone.’’ He reassured her. She blushed at the proud look on his face, and his heart felt fit to burst. He didn’t even notice Aaron and Alex walk in until she saw the imperceptible shift in Liv’s expression, and suddenly Aaron was beside them.

‘’Hi. Liv, we’re getting some food, you wanna join us?’’ Liv looked over at Alex, watching them intently from the other side of the pub, Chas stood beside him, equally interested in the three of them.

‘’Nah I’m fine here.’’

‘’Liv, it’s fine. I need to go anyway, but we’ll hang out again soon yea?’’

Robert picked up his pint and downed it and that’s when Aaron saw it for the first time; his bare ring finger. He hadn’t noticed it that day in the scrap yard and he felt a shudder go through him at the sight, pain rippling through him. He had gotten so used to still seeing Robert with his ring despite their separation. It had reminded him that after everything, Robert still considered himself Aaron’s, but not anymore, and that realisation hurt more than Aaron ever thought. Robert stood up to leave, but Aaron grabbed him gently by the arm.

‘’Robert?’’

‘’Yea?’’

‘’Thank you,’’ Aaron said hesitantly, ‘’For getting us to talk. It helped, a lot.’’

‘’I just want to see her happy.’’

Robert nodded his goodbye to Aaron and left the pub, leaving a seething Liv with her brother and Alex, and despite the doctor’s best attempts, she remained resolutely silent the whole way through the meal.

Alex escaped the tension to get them fresh drinks, where a smiling Paddy and Chas at the bar greeted him.

‘’Things seem to be going well between you two?’’

‘’They are.’’ Alex agreed. ‘’Just….’’

‘’Robert still hanging around?’’ Paddy asked, surprisingly perceptive for once.

‘’Do I have anything to worry about?’’

‘’No’’ Paddy replied confidently, looking at Chas, who tried to nod convincingly. ‘’It’s over between them. You’re good for Aaron. You’ll never make him cry the way Robert Sugden did.’’

Paddy gave him a reassuring smile and walked over to join Rhona and Leo in the corner booth.

‘’No I won’t.’’ Alex murmured sadly as he watched Aaron talk softly to his little sister, a small smile finally breaking through the wall that Robert Sugden built for her.

 

 

‘’Let’s go away for a few days.’’

‘’What?’’

Aaron and Alex were back at the Mill. Liv was upstairs, music blaring as usual. She had barely spoken two words to Alex all evening, and Paddy’s comment was weighing on his mind.

‘’Let’s go to Manchester, or Liverpool. I’ve the weekend off, it’ll be good to get out of the village.’’

‘’And what about Liv?’’

‘’She can stay at the pub can’t she?’’

Alex saw the flash of hesitation cross Aaron’s face, and a pang of jealousy went through him. He was thinking about Robert, it was obvious.

‘’Erm, I dunno…’’

‘’Look, it’s just a couple of days, no pressure to do anything.’’ Alex said.

‘’Yea, okay then. Why not?’’ Alex smiled softly at Aaron, but he missed the flash of doubt that crossed his features.

 

 

‘’I just can’t believe she strung him along for all those months.’’

‘’Well apparently she didn’t know herself.’’

‘’I don’t buy it, her being from the family she’s from.’’

‘’And he’s no angel himself, but he didn’t deserve that.’’

Aaron and Alex had returned from their trip to Liverpool, after Aaron strongly vetoed Manchester for reasons Alex didn’t want to acknowledge. They were in the pub and Aaron was catching snippets of the conversation between Brenda, Lydia and Pearl as he and Alex stood at the bar. As Chas dropped their pints down, Aaron nodded to the group in the corner.

‘’What’s got them so riled up?’’ he asked her, confused at the conflict on her face at his question.

‘’The thing is love….’’ She hesitated, glancing at Alex uncertainly.

‘’C’mon mum, what is it?’’

‘’While you were away, Rebecca had the baby.’’

Aaron shifted uncomfortably, but plastered an uninterested look on his face.

‘’So, it was always gonna happen. Why are they making out she committed a murder or something?’’

‘’Because…. Robert’s not the father.’’ She finished quickly.

‘’What? How…?’’ Aaron’s heart felt like it had hit the bottom of his stomach. He was acutely aware of Alex next to him, as was Chas, who kept shooting him concerned glances.

‘’I don’t know the ins and outs, but long story short, Ross is the father.’’

'’And how’s Robert? Has anyone spoken to him?’’

‘’No idea love, I’m sorry.’’

‘’Right….em okay.’’ Aaron was at a loss for words, and he spent the remainder of the evening offering only monosyllabic answers to Alex’s questions. Eventually, the other man gave up.

‘’I’m gonna shoot off Aaron.’’

‘’What, no stay for another…’’

‘’I’m tired, been a long drive. I’ll call you tomorrow.’’ Aaron nodded, and his lack of fight was all Alex needed as confirmation to leave. Aaron barely looked up as he left, and it was only when Chas sat down beside him that he really registered his disappearance.

‘’Love, what I told you, it changes everything doesn’t it?’’

‘’No, it doesn’t change anything.’’ Aaron replied non-committedly.

‘’Alex likes you Aaron, and he treats you well. Don’t make any decisions unless you’re sure.’’

‘’Mum, I told you, it changes nothing.’’

‘’Okay.’’ But as Chas walked away and watched her son play with his phone, she knew that all at once, everything had changed.

 

 

Aaron had ordered another pint, but he gave up on it almost immediately. Nodding goodbye to Chas, he headed home, but as he stepped into the chilly night, he saw him, slowly making his way to Keepers. His head was bowed and his shoulders were slumped, and Aaron ached in every part of his heart for him. Resisting all the voices in his head telling him to stay away, he ran towards him.

‘’Robert, wait a sec.’’ The other man ignored him, which only made Aaron more determined to catch him.

‘’Robert, I heard, why didn’t you tell me?’’ Aaron asked as he grabbed Robert’s arm, swinging the other man around to face him.

‘’What difference would it have made?’’ Robert replied sadly, unleashing himself from Aaron’s grip and disappearing into the house, leaving Aaron alone in the cold. The door slammed in front of him, and all the answers to Robert’s question flooded Aaron’s head, but he remained frozen to the spot, a pit forming in his stomach as he tried to decipher which answer was the right one.

 

 

Everyone disappeared from Aaron’s life all at once. Robert took off, needing to clear his head Vic explained, when Aaron casually tried to ask, though the look on her face told him she knew his question was anything but idle chitchat. Alex was suddenly swamped with work, and clipped texts were their only form of communication. Even Liv had absconded, a week’s school trip to London taking her away from the village. Aaron had nothing to distract him bar the scrap yard, which was also going through a painfully inconvenient lull. So he jumped at the chance to babysit Leo one afternoon, anything to divert his thoughts from the other men in his life.

Rebecca had holed herself up at Home Farm since the reveal, and the gossips were now focused on the fallout of Emma’s departure, so Aaron and Robert were no longer of interest to them. Aaron had also landed himself with Sarah and Jack’s company, Debbie having gone to comfort Ross as soon as she heard the news. It hadn’t gone down too well with her new fella, and she didn’t want the kids caught in the crossfire.

So here Aaron was in the pub, helping Leo and Jack draw the village while Sarah wrote in her diary. He was aimlessly picking at a cold plate of chips when Sarah’s voice broke him from his stupor.

‘’Aaron, how do you know when you like a person?’’

‘’Who’s the boy?’’ Aaron smiled softly at Sarah, who blushed furiously.

‘’Nobody.’’

‘’Okay, and does _nobody_ know how you feel?’’ Sarah shrugged in response.

‘’I just want to know how you know when someone is right for you? How do you know with Alex?’’

‘’I guess it’s lots of things, and they all add up and then you just know.’’

‘’What kind of things?’’

‘’They see the good in you, when you don’t see it yourself, and they never let you give up on yourself. You want to be better when you’re around them because you want them to be proud of you, and you feel safe and excited in their company all at once. You have different opinions, but you make each other look at the world differently. And it’s the little things as well, like knowing how you drink your tea and how to make you laugh when you’re sad, silly things like that.’’

‘’And that's why you like Alex? All the things you just said?’’

Aaron smiled sadly at her, and nodded.

‘’Yea, Alex makes me look at things differently.’’

‘’Maybe I’ll tell someone then, that I like them.’’

‘’You should. You never know, they may just like you back.’’

Sarah seemed satisfied with his answer but as he watched her go back to writing, the pit that has formed in his stomach over the past few days had now dissolved into his bones, threatening to rip him apart.

 

 

Just as quickly as everyone left, they returned. Aaron came out of David’s, and his heart stuttered once he saw Robert’s car parked outside Keepers. Liv was back, but staying with Gabby, who had finally returned from Australia, and Alex had text to say he would come over that night. They were sat watching television, stilted conversation occurring between them, when Aaron found he couldn’t take it anymore.

‘’Alex, you’ve been quiet all evening, what is it? Have I done something?’’

Alex looked at him kindly and shook his head.

‘’No, you haven’t. But this isn’t working Aaron, not anymore.’’

‘’Whatever it is, we can fix it. I know we haven’t seen each other much…..’’ Aaron tried to argue, but the look on Alex’s face stopped him.

‘’I like you Aaron. I think you’re great. And I think we could have something good.’’

‘’But…?’’

‘’But I have so much going on in my life and I can’t add fighting a ghost to my list.’’

‘’What are you on about?’’

‘’Robert.’’

‘’Alex, Robert and I are over. We have been for months.’’

‘’You’re not together, but you’re not over either, not really. Not ever, probably.’’

‘’No, look I know I’ve not been ready for…’’

‘’It’s not about that Aaron, honestly.’’ Alex said softly. ‘’You deserve to be really happy, and we both know who your best chance at that kind of happiness is.’’

Aaron’s breath hitched in his throat at Alex’s words, and guilt began to claw him from within as he realised how much he has used the man in front of him. He was kind, and honest and funny, and didn’t deserve it.

‘’Alex, please just give me another chance.’’ Alex shook his head.

‘’I saw how you reacted in the pub when you heard about the baby.’’

‘’It was just a shock, that’s all.’’

‘’And all you wanted to do was make sure Robert was okay. You may not have said it, but it was obvious.’’

‘’I just…’’

‘’I want you Aaron, but I’m not a consolation prize. And let’s face it, when it comes to Robert Sugden, everyone will always be second best.’’

‘’Alex, I’m sorry, I want to…..’’

‘’You’re still in love with him Aaron. And he’s still in love with you. I see it every time you’re together, and I’ve been lying to myself that it would go away.’’

‘’I don’t know what to say….’’

‘’You don’t have to say anything. We had fun Aaron, but this wasn't a love story. Yours is waiting to be finished in a cottage up the road.''

Before Aaron could protest anymore, Alex kissed him softly and walked quietly out the door, not looking back. 

 

Aaron was standing outside Keepers. It was pitch black and rain was drizzling down softly. It had been three days since Alex had walked out the door, and Aaron had fought with himself ever since over what to do next. Alex had been right all along. Aaron should never have said yes when he asked him out, but he had needed something to stop the crushing thoughts of Robert at the time. His ache for his ex-husband was back in full force now, and he needed to know if it really was all over.

Before he could talk himself out of it, he knocked gently on the door.

''Aaron?'' Robert asked as he opened the door. ''What are you doing here?''

''I needed to see you.''

''Is Alex okay with that?'' The name felt like bile on Robert's tongue as he said it, something Aaron picked up, if the look on his face was anything to go by.

''He finished it.''

''He's a moron,'' Robert replied without missing a beat. ''So what reason did he give you?''

''He said our relationship wasn't a love story.''

''I said something similar once myself.'' Robert admitted, the memories of his first wedding piercing his skin. ''I was wrong then, he's wrong now.'' he continued sadly.

''He wasn't wrong.'' Aaron replied, and Robert's head snapped up. ''The question is, are you still wrong?'' Aaron looked almost hopeful, and Robert's heart fluttered.

''I want to be.''

''Sarah...''

''Yea?''

''She thinks she has a crush, and she asked me why I liked Alex the other day.''

''Oh yea, and what did you tell her?''

''All the reasons I loved....love you.'' Aaron edited.

Aaron took a tentative step forward, and Robert matched him beat for beat.

''Do you still love me Robert?''

''More than I can ever explain.''

''Do you still want me?''

''See my previous answer.'' Robert joked feebly. 

''Then kiss me.''

And he did. Robert surged forward, cupping Aaron's cheeks in his hands, and he pulled him in. Their lips met, and it was electric. Every kiss they had missed over the past three months was poured into it, and as they pulled each other closer, they both felt as though they still weren't close enough. They broke apart to catch their breath, and Robert couldn't stop the tears that began to fall. Aaron caught some with his thumb and kissed the others away, and they stood there in the doorway, raindrops occasionally hitting them from the still open door, but neither of them cared. 

 

 


End file.
